So, the meeting with my boss where I was going resign was pushed back to 2:30pm.
This shouldn’t be such a big deal, only excepting that it is. On so many levels.
I am really thankful to all of you who’ve written privately to me or commented about this. I have observed, very interestingly, that nearly everyone who weighed in on this is a working mother. I don’t know if that’s a coincidence or not, but I’m going to go with the theory that working moms are the ones who have the strongest feelings about this issue. And I want to point out the sacrifice that working moms make to support their families on the financial front as well as the home front is no small thing. And this may be sexist and unfair, but I believe moms who work make the bigger sacrifice than dads who work.
I’ll explain why as soon as I have a reason. Right now I only have a gut feeling.
Let me also say that I whole heartedly support and agree with women who work, whether by choice or by necessity. I hear ya. I really do. I am in your boat right now.
The issue for me is that I don’t want to be here, and I’ve come to recognize something about myself over the years and that’s this.
If I follow my heart, even when my head tells me I am crazy to do it, I will be okay. If I follow my head when my heart is wrenching inside my chest, I will not be okay until I align my life with my heart.
I am terrified to let go of a good position. I feel stupid, on so many levels, to do it.
But my heart is wrenching inside my chest, so I know I’ve got to change what’s going on here.
Please, wish me luck.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Good luck.
I worked full time before my baby was born, I had a good job and I loved it. I quit just before my leave was over. There is no way I could leave my girl with someone else all day. We are still trying to figure all the money stuff out but it was the right decision for us.
I agree with you, I think women who choose to work or that have to do sacrifice more then the Dads.
Hope it goes well for you.
I am the main breadwinner in our house. The mortgage, the health insurance, food, the power bill, summer camp, new sneakers, vet bills, pretty much all of it is on me right now. My husband has his own business and the economy kind of sucks. You might have heard.
My kids are a bit older and it still sucks to not be the one to take them to the dentist or ball practice. I love my job and I honestly would not want to be a SAH mom, but I will say sometimes not being there really sucksl.
Follow your heart Myg.
Thanks you two. I really think it’s the kind of decision that’s very individual. If I was ten years younger and at a different point in my career, I would probably want to work, not be home with the kids. In fact, the scarier part of this for me is being a 24/7 caretaker for my kids with no breaks. At work I have a good amount of flexibility in my day, and a ton of freedom with my time. So I can really focus on things in my work and outside of it in a way I cannot do at home anymore. I will definitely miss the space. A lot.
But, that said, I do feel strongly that I want and need to be with my boys at this time in their lives. The time will come when they are a little bigger and I’ll be happy to have them in school or daycare or wherever and be back to pursuing my own thing.